


Things I Am Not Allowed to Do.

by ChangingbacktoBellamort500



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Fun, Humor, Rules
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-01
Updated: 2017-08-20
Packaged: 2018-12-09 18:40:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11674881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChangingbacktoBellamort500/pseuds/ChangingbacktoBellamort500
Summary: Things I am forbidden from doing.





	1. Chapter 1

1\. I am not allowed to demand that Harry Kim gets a promotion. 

1a. I don't have the authority to promote people. 

1b. Cute, sweet, awesome bunny power is not a rank recognized by Starfleet.

2\. Stealing the Captain's coffee was stupid and I am forbidden from ever doing it again unless I want to die, a horrible painful death.

3\. I must immediately stop trying to start a fight between Seven and B'Elanna.

3a. Not allowed to give odds on who would win.

4\. I must stop asking Captain Janeway to read me a bedtime story. 

5\. I cannot threaten to go on strike just because I wasn't allowed to blow up a moon.

5a. Not allowed to act insulted when my sanity is questioned.

6\. The Doctor doesn't appreciate me turning sickbay into a winter wonderland. 

7\. Not allowed to mess with the replicators so they only replicate chocolate sauce, marshmallows and vodka. 

8\. Not allowed to call Tuvok "Tuvvie", "McVulcan" or "Chief Monsters Under The Bed Catcher".


	2. Chapter 2

9\. Commander Chakotay didn't order me to kick Tom Paris and it was wrong to claim he did.

10\. Neelix doesn't want me to help him cook ever again. 

10a. Not allowed to dub people "Ungrateful" for not appreciating my cooking. 

11\. Not allowed to take the delta flyer for a joyride.

11a. I can't just ignore this rule because I feel like it.

12\. Naomi Wildman is not my superior officer and everyone is clueless to why I think she is.

13\. The Borg Queen didn't tell to bite Harry Kim.

13a. I have never met or spoken to the Borg Queen

13b. Yes, people can prove it.


	3. Chapter 3

14\. Not allowed to bring up the time the Captain and Tom were lizards, and had baby lizards.

15\. During first contact with a species who are very sensitive about having triangle shaped heads, don't call them "Triangle head dudes"

16\. Not allowed to start a rumour that all the senior officers are in a cult that worship a goldfish named Henry.

17\. My pillow isn't the Captain of the ship.

17a. Nor is my phaser

18\. Anything that ends with fire, the bridge being covered in chocolate buttons and me naked is forbidden. 

19\. Not allowed to refuse to answer why there are ducks in Engineering.

20\. I am not Vulcan therefore I am unable to perform a Vulcan mind meld and even if I could, it doesn't explain why I am throwing potatoes at people. 

21\. Not allowed to introduce Seven of Nine to energy drinks.

21a. A hyper active ex Borg drone is not hilarious.


	4. Chapter 4

22\. I am not allowed to try to choke people who criticise me.

22a. I can't pay others to choke people who criticise me, either. 

23\. Looking at me the wrong way is not a court martial offence.

 

24\. I don't have the power to throw people in the Brig. 

24a. I will never be given the authority to throw people in the brig.

24b. Making a list of all the people I have to kill to become Captain of the ship will result with me being taken to the Brig.

25\. Sneaking into the holodeck to find out what Commander Chakotay gets up to is wrong. 

26\. I am forbidden from giving anybody advice ever again. 

26a. Pointing out that Tom, Neelix and Harry are technically in wrong for taking my advice will not get me out of trouble.


	5. Chapter 5

27\. Not allowed to divide the crew into J/7, J/C, C/7 shippers.  
.  
27a. I will not encourage them to fight.

28\. I am to stop calling the Delta Quadrant "The place we are all going to die!"

29\. Not allowed to write fanfiction about the crew.

29a. I am forbidden to send those stories to Starfleet and convince them that everything in my stories really happened.

29b. It's not my fault they were dumb enough to believe we got attacked by pineapple vampires 

30\. I am not allowed to wake people to ask the following things 

• Where do babies come from? 

• If I set fire to the Bridge will you be mad?

• I can beam the people I don't like aboard a Borg cube?


	6. Chapter 6

31\. I am forbidden from joining forces with Q to cause chaos.

31a. Not allowed to call Captain Janeway "A big meanie" because she won't allow me to cause mayhem with Q.

32\. Not allowed to sing Smooth Criminal every time I see Seven of Nine.

32a. I am the only person who finds this amusing. 

33\. I will immediately stop going into sickbay and demand that he give me drugs that make me see pretty colours.

34\. Anything that ends with Harry Kim being tied up in cargo bay 2, Neelix naked and flying monkeys is forbidden and will end up with me in the Brig.

35\. Samantha Wildman will hit me if I ever take Naomi with me to beat up some Kazons again. 

35a. The fact we totally kicked butt will not make her less angry. 

36\. I can't bribe people with my replicator rations to do crazy stuff.

36a. Even if that stuff is hilarious.


	7. Chapter 7

37\. It is inappropriate to shout "Save me Borg Jesus" during a red alert.

37a. There is no such thing as Borg Jesus 

38\. When the Captain asks "Why is there snakes on the bridge?" I am to tell her the truth, not reply with "In 1909 I died and came back as carrot".

39\. Commander Chakotay is not called Chuckles 

40\. I will not hand in any reports about a dream I had about the captain.

41\. Apples are for eating not throwing at people.


End file.
